Five ways to cope with miscarriage

If you’re reading this article, chances are that you or someone you know has suffered a miscarriage. It’s one of those silent clubs that more people are part of than you’d guess. I’m part of it too. You’re not alone.

The days during and after a miscarriage are some of the hardest to bear. Your dreams of parenthood have been crushed. You are still a parent – just in a way that you never could have imagined. And now, your body needs to heal, but so does your heart.

How do you deal with losing a baby? How do you make this baby’s life matter? How do you and your partner get through this and find hope? I don’t have all the answers, but I’ll share some ideas that helped my partner and me cope with miscarriage.

How do you deal with losing a baby? How do you make this baby’s life matter? How do you and your partner get through this and find hope? I don’t have all the answers, but I’ll share some ideas that helped my partner and me cope with miscarriage.

1. Talk about it. I was just days from the end of my first trimester, and also just days away from announcing my pregnancy, when it became apparent that I was having a miscarriage. I wanted people to know my baby existed – that it was real. I also thought that my coworkers should know why I was abruptly out of the office and why I was canceling plans with friends. So instead of announcing to the world that I was expecting a baby, I instead told coworkers, friends and family that I was no longer expecting a baby. Some awkward conversations for sure, but I also found support in unexpected ways. My mom had a miscarriage. My husband’s friend’s wife had a miscarriage. My sister-in-law’s friend had multiple miscarriages, and had been told she wouldn’t be able to have children that survive pregnancy. So many women suffer through miscarriage, and I found out that I was not alone after all. All of these women eventually had children, and it gave me hope that someday I’d have a baby in my arms, too.
2. Get a necklace or other memento. You may find comfort in having some sort of memorabilia representing your baby, like a necklace or ring, so that you can keep a symbol of your baby close. On craft marketplace sites, there are so many options to choose from for finding some sort of jewelry that you can buy or get customized. My husband gave me a necklace engraved with the word “hope.” I love the angel wing necklaces or rings. We also have an angel Christmas ornament that we hang up every year – next to the baby’s first Christmas ornaments that now grace our Christmas tree as well.
3. Make a donation in honor of your baby. In the days and weeks after my miscarriage, I found myself thinking that I’m a mother without a baby. Somehow my thoughts wandered to the idea that there are a lot of babies that don’t have mothers. In honor of my baby, my partner and I made a donation to an orphanage in Haiti. There are so many organizations that raise money for orphans and youth. Think of a mission that connects with you, and honor your angel baby with a donation.
4. Name your angel baby. Did you give your baby a name? Similar to the other ideas for coping with a miscarriage, this is another way for you to connect with your baby. It may make it easier for you to talk about your baby if it has a real name – even if it’s just a nickname.
5. Find a community. According to the Mayo Clinic, 10 to 20 percent of known pregnancies result in a miscarriage. Finding and connecting with other people who have gone through this experience is helpful – even just to know that you’re not alone. Hearing others’ stories may give you hope, and it may give you an outlet to share your own experience. Have you dealt with a miscarriage? Share your story, and share one way that helped you cope with your miscarriage, by leaving a comment below.

Jenn

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